Anyways I was a little down about this week becoming, because I am spending the “most important” birthday in Mt. Vernon, KY working at a shelter living with a bunch of strangers. I didn’t want to build it up and have it be nothing and be disappointed. Actually I wanted to pretend it would go away and not come until next year due to knowing that spending my 21st birthday in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of strangers in a dry county is not everyone’s dream. Honestly it wasn’t my dream either. I getting upset knowing that even if I was back at college this birthday would have been covered over by all the other important activates that take place in February. As a sorority we normal push hard in February and try to have multiple events and be well seen on campus to get the rest of our” recruits “to be able to afford maintaining our sorority.
If I was still in Liberty, I probably would have just walked down to the Mexican restaurant, Los Compas, and buy a drink while all my under 21 friends ate cheap Mexican food and then walk back to campus and get up early for all my favorite psychology classes on the following Friday. And of course since I would have been drinking most weekends anyways I would probably just end up at some party and have a mild weekend with a drink or two and continue on with my college career. Sometimes I miss it. Not so much the whole being in debt, being bored in class, and having no future plans. But I miss the friendships and knowing the people I live with and working three jobs and being busy 24/7.
I know that for this 21st birthday weekend I am going to Applebee on Friday night having a dinner and drinks. Then on Saturday driving to a CAP event and then going out drinking to celebrate mine and another girl’s birthday at a bar or club. This is completely fine and I have no issues with it, but I kind of wished that I would get that small little party instead with a margarita at Los Compas and spend the rest of my night doing homework in my best friend’s room.
Then again I made this choice and besides the whole spending my 21st in a wild birthday weekend I am happy with how life is turning out. The thing that was on my mind was how I wanted my 21st birthday to go away, but after receiving that birthday card it hit me. I realized that after this birthday nothing is really guaranteed and event his birthday isn’t going to be perfect. Actually no birthday will be perfect if I don’t let it be perfect. If I constantly compare my birthday with my past ones or how things could have been I’ll never be happy with it. And then as I thought harder I realized that my birthday is of course a celebration to really just me and my parents. Others can be part of it, but really only they were there (besides the nurses and doctor) and only they know how it all started. From there I got to thinking that after I am dead my birthday will mean nothing anyways, because for my faith if you really do become someone great (I am not dying to be remembered, but if I for some reason do become someone great) the day I died will be the only day people remember. My birthday is important I know that, but it is just a day that means I have made it through another year of life.
From those thought I forgot completely about my birthday and focused on my future. I’m not too worried about it right now, but I have been talking to a lady in Buffalo, New York and she said I could possibly fit the job description of working with teen moms. Now I need to decide do I want to give another year to CAP and finish up my americore and go wherever I please once my loans are paid off or do I want to wait a year work, paid back loans and then go to another service spot in 2012- 2013. Now that is what is really on my mind and I’m not sure what I am going to do.
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